Friday, May 05, 2006

30 years of rockin' and rollin'

Last week I turned 30. It makes you stop and think...what great music I've been listening to. Here's a collection of some songs that have been milestones in my life so far. This is the playlist I would have broadcast if I had my own music show on TV. Since no one gives a rat's ass, I'll just do it here. Party on!

Iron Maiden - Can I Play With Madness

The first ever heavy metal video I saw when I was 13 (speak of unlucky numbers, eh?). Hit me like lightning down my spine.

Twisted Sister - I Wanna Rock

I saw this one at a friend's who brought the VHS from Sweden, where he used to live. Anyone remember the VHS? The dudes freaked me out with their big hair and feminine outfits, but you felt the music was right.

Manowar - Blow Your Speakers

Age 15, face full of zits. This is what I used to listen to every morning at breakfast, while I was dreaming of blowing up the school.

Slayer - Raining Blood/Black Magic

My first introduction to speed-thrash thanks to a dear old friend who gave me South of Heaven on my 14th birthday. Reign in Blood reigns supreme though.

Anthrax - Belly of the Beast

I remember running through thick snow on a winter holiday listening to Persistence of Time on my walkman. From what or why I ran, I can't remember; but it sure felt good.

Judas Priest - A Touch of Evil

This is the album you give your kid to encourage him or her to listen to heavy metal. A masterpiece without a doubt.

Sepultura - Arise

My first CD ever. Cost me 280 Austrian Schillings. I loved it, because I couldn't sing at all, and neither could Max, but the music kicked ass anyway; and I could sing along to it.

Yeah, one day you wake up and there's no school to blow up, no acne on your face but a bunch of lines, you actually feel you have about 200 bones in your body, you work like a slave to earn the money you'll never really spend for your pleasure; yet you sit back for a second, and feel damn great about how you spent your life. For those about to rock, I salute you!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Triple Treat of Yesterday

Motorhead - Killed By Death

That was the good old days when it was all about chicks, bikes and explosions. God, I hate being a grownup. This dude is immortal. One nation, one empire, one Lemmy...

Warlock - All We Are

Bloody hell, ain't she cute? YOU are all, all I need.

Pantera - Domination (Live in Moscow)

I wanted this one on, 'cause we (my band back then, Madnes) covered it back in 1995 and it's meant to be a tribute to Dime.

Triple Treat of Today

Rammstein - Rosenrot

Father Till blesses from behind!

In Extremo - Erdbeermund

Extraordinary cool band with multilingual lyrics. I loved this video. The moral of the story: Save the whales!

Black Label Society - Fire It Up

Pessimistic futuristic visions of Zakk & Co. Rocking and asskicking ain't a complicated business. Simply cool.

Monday, March 27, 2006

How to drink like a pro at a village festival: for EXPERTS!!!

I have to thank my dear friend Mullu for this one, who became a dad a year ago. Prost Mullu!

That’s how it’s done!!!!
(In and around Germany – don’t try this at home. You’ll fuck yourself up.)

1. Ordering one beer is out of the question. That would imply that you’re a stingy bastard, have no friends or the worst ever: you’re an anti-alcoholic.

2. Therefore, always order at least ten beers, one meter, or better yet, a complete trayfull.
Never count the exact number of people standing about and never order that exact number. The best thing to do is to roar out any number that pops in your head across the bar, and there you go.

3. Completely wrong: Asking those around you if they want one more beer. Important rule: no questions. Drinking isn’t fun after all.

4. When the goods arrive, don’t look around like an idiot trying to figure out whom to give one to. The best way is to pass the glasses around ferociously, since that’s how you can show your generosity. Only the narrow-minded prick waits in the line.

5. Who pays for which round? Tradition has it that everyone gets their turn. Some miserable wankers enjoy the first nine rounds at the bar, and when it’s their turn to pay, suddenly they must go take a whizz. The first one to order usually determines the duration of the project: If he orders twelve beers, all others must wait for twelve rounds. It is very important that the current is never interrupted. Therefore, when everyone’s glasses are half full (or half empty?), immediately order the next round and push the new glasses in their hands. Totally embarrassing: Standing at the bar with two glasses in your hands. That’s why getting beer down your throat demands pace. It’s not a child's birthday you’re attending.

6. Really mean dickheads order a round of Korn or the absolute horror „Jägermeister“ in between. This is serious. Should the situation come up, you should escape. Don’t forget: You can survive beer drinking at the village festival with a little bit of planning and luck, but after Jägermeister, even the paramedic refuses to resuscitate the mess.

7. Pulling through consistently, you should normally be hammered like a tinker by half past eight. Of course you can’t even consider going home yet, fearing people might suspect you’re a wuss. So, now what? Take breaks! Two things are traditionally designed for this purpose: Stuffing sausages and dancing.

First: Stuffing sausages
Advantages: there is no Jägermeister at the sausage stand, which means you are temporarily safe from alcohol poisoning by others. The sausage stands at village festivals are always designed in a way that the demand is always greater than the supply. Also, in most cases you can sole the shoes of the specialists who work in these stands while they are grilling. The only necessary qualification: they can survive below a 1% oxygen rate in the air, which makes them appear seemingly dead. The fool might say: Bollocks, the whole thing could be much better organized: the stuff could come across the bar like lightning. Wrong:
the pathetic sausage stands with zombies grilling are not the outcome of a mistake, they’re there for a reason. Here, you can seek asylum from the drinking, and the longer you have to wait for the burnt lump, the more your chances of survival.

Second: Dancing
it is the worse option compared to stuffing sausages, because it is tiring and involves women. But there comes a time when you can’t stuff any more lumps in your paunch and that’s when you must bite the sour apple. So, off you go, pick a boiler from the banks and start making ridiculous moves. If you’re lucky, the band play more than two songs and you can sweat out a couple of beers through your ribs. However, if you’re unfortunate, they play the Bar march and there you are once more where you had just fled.

Third: Wine bar
A really creepy place, hence the litter of the festival tent. It is so crowded and crammed here that you stay on your feet when your limbs are not actually working. It is possible that some war veterans might have had both their leg prostheses stolen and they hadn’t noticed it. Yet, the price you pay for this standing aid is high: You must drink wine out of pathetic little flower vases you know from giving sperm samples at the urologist. Pretty gross, the whole thing. Sometimes, when there is no wine bar, there is a cocktail bar: But cocktail doesn’t mean Caipirinha or Margarita in the tent; it means Fanta/Korn or Korn with Fanta. So careful. It can go downhill very fast here. An alternative for the very fast way to nirvana is the magic drink: Korea. It is a phenomenon when you consider the price-efficiency-rate: so does the critical consumer get themselves drunk and the target is reached in a whiff. But before you can go home, there is one more very important issue, which is...

Fourth: Barfing
Sounds crap, yet you will be thankful if your body bestows upon you this gift. You have room for more sausages and maybe you’re lucky enough to have caught the last twenty beers before they got to your brain. The pro barfs often and likes it anyway. So, that would almost bring us to going home. Haha. But if you’ve missed the time frame and you’ve come back into the tent from pissing or barfing, and there are still twenty people standing; ouch: You’ve just drawn the ass card. Because now it is:

Fifth: The last rounds
From now on it is about more exciting stuff like drinking from the barrel – there’s always more in it than you think, or the infamous „bottoms up!“. If it’s a Jägermeister, never mind the paramedic, just call the undertaker. Now everyone will be looking out that no one takes off secretly. The first ones sink together in front of the bar so they won’t have to drink more in any case. Advantage of this phase of the village festival: You don’t have to crawl outside to piss and barf anymore: now everything happens on the spot.

Sixth: Going Home
Doesn’t happen. Don’t fool yourself: you can’t do it alone anymore,
there are no taxis in the country, and even if there were any, they wouldn’t take you.
Your wife doesn’t come pick you up; she’s happy that this wreck isn’t lying around at home and stinking up the furniture. What’s now left is...

Seventh: The Morning after
The first rays of the sun are breaking through the rips in the canvas cover of the tent.
You are awakened with a tongue kiss like you’ve never had before in your life. Passionately, you kiss back. Then you open your clotted eyes and look into the happy face of the ragged mutt from the tent floor. And the day begins with your own contribution to the concept of a coughing fit. Your head feels like it has been hit by a missile. Now there's only one thing that can help you: Back-up beer until the engine runs halfway normally again...


What's up with Doro? Nothing, as far as I know. She's fine.

It's just that I've always had a major crush on her, and I want a picture of her on my Blog. I last saw her in 2000. I don't know what the hell she's been doing in the past 20 years, but she rocks almost harder than back then, and she's hot as hell.

Be my guest...

Motörhead - Inferno

The current Motörhead album Inferno needs no review. It is everything a Motörhead album is supposed to be: uncompromising Rock'n'Roll with sarcastic lyrics. The blues number "Whorehouse Blues" at the end is full of the dry humour renowned for Mr. Rock'n'Roll himself.

What on earth is better than putting on a Motörhead record and opening a nice cold beer? Exactly! Seeing Motörhead live. (One could imagine something else I suppose; but if I were ever to choose between sex and Motörhead, I would end up in the mosh pit each and every time)

W:O:A 2006

Blasting the north in Europe!

The best damn Heavy Metal Festival in the world is back. The confirmed bands so far are:

Aborted, Amon Amarth, Die Apokaliptischen Reiter, Atheist, Battlelore, Bloodthorn, Born From Pain, Celtic Frost, Children Of Bodom, D'espairs Ray, The Dogma, Ektomorf, Emperor, End Of Green, Fear Factory, Finntroll, Gamma Ray, In Extremo, Korpiklaani, Lake Of Tears, Legion Of The Damned, Metal Inquisitor, Ministry, MOTÖRHEAD!!!, Michael Schenker Group, Mystic Circle, Nevermore, Opeth, Orphaned Land, Primal Fear, Scorpions, Six Feet Under, Soilwork, Subway To Sally, Uli Jon Roth, Victory, WE, Whitesnake and Wintersun.

Lemmy knows where you live, so be there!

More info at:

Rest In Peace Dime

Hello fellow boozers, metalheads, brethren of the very normal insanity...

I will yak about good music, alcohol and life here, 'cause I can't think of anything better to do.